I just wrote a post, complete with illustrations, and through a series of absurdly frustrating events it has been lost.

However! Instead of throwing myself to the floor and forsaking my computer, I am going to re-create the post for you. Let’s hope that the parts I forget needed to be edited anyway.

Despite my previous assertion that summery weather increases my mood, yesterday’s blue skies and a world full of palm trees and sunlight found me feeling hopeless, scattered, and stuck. My physical pain was increased, caused by a variety of factors, some of which remain a mystery. I also missed my nightly dose of Rozerem the previous night (because I had been too exhausted to pick up my refill). I wonder if there is a correlation between the missed Rozerem and the increase in pain, but it is impossible to be sure.

I wanted to share my day with you, but I was afraid that anything I wrote would be overtly negative and in all caps (I HATE EVERYTHING TODAY, etc), and I didn’t want to subject you to that. (You’re welcome). However, in the absence of articulation I was able to find some images that reflected how I was feeling. Here are those images, only slightly belated:

www.jankoepper.de

Dying Amazon, Franz von Stuck, 1905

http://www.chocolatespoon.com/musings/index.html

I am feeling a bit less stagnant today, although I am still skeptical of the day’s ability to keep me afloat. To increase my chances of floating, and to remind myself of the positive occurrences in my life lately, here is a list of them:

1) Rob and I are going to a film premiere tonight, at which a short film he scored will be screened. This is exciting in and of itself, and it also means that I get to dress up (my black opaque striped tights will make an appearance, as will my black velvet jacket!). Perhaps you will have the honor of viewing a photograph of the two of us looking dashing.

2) I finally made an appointment with the biofeedback for heart rate variability person that Dr. Silverman referred me to in order to treat my dysautonomia. His name is Dr. Kassel, and I spoke briefly with him on the phone — he sounds quite promising — warm and amusing, like a real person as opposed to a Doctor. I am cautiously hopeful about the appointment, and I’ll let you know how it goes. It will be fun to be hooked up to machines and covered with electrodes and wires!

3) One of the dwarf sunflowers that I grew from seed has bloomed as of today! It is so valiant with its small stalk and rich yellow petals. I think I shall plant many more dwarf sunflower seeds so that I can have a miniature orchard of them!

4) Yesterday I took the 2 doggies to the dog park, and despite Artie’s incessant, remarkably sonorous barking (my FM makes loud noises painful for me), it was a successful outing. Olive and Artie were delighted to explore sans leashes, and taking them made me feel more like a real person, despite the otherwise gloomy nature of my day.

5) Rob and I made seitan burritos/tacos last night, and they were scrumptious! I made mine with garlicky spinach, soy cheese, and tons of cilantro and salsa. If it weren’t for the scurvy, I could live on mochi, seitan, and artichokes. Which reminds me of a game my father and I used to play — we’d pick a few food items and (mentally) determine whether you could nutritionally survive on only those. There was also another game in which I’d have to decide whether the various parts that made up our meal were old world food or new world food. Linguistic anthropologists can make amusing fathers.

6) I wrote this post twice, despite being hungry and having low energy, which is officially impressive.